Connoisseur Of Witticisms Pillows

'Yes, we made something better than sliced bread and built a better mousetrap, but maybe R&D needs new blood.'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

Sharp Eyes

'... But, wouldn't that be kind of like, cannibalism?'

"My bouche was not amused."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"What does 'inexplicable' mean..?"

Witty T-Shirt Guy

The Evolution of Trumpcare

Frock Coat

'Actually, I find the destroying more satisfying than the nation-building.'

Pressing Problem

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

Liquor is legal, not compulsory.

"You're definitely going to need an extraction."

"Why are you giving them whiskey?"

George Carlin

Warning Wisecracks or good-natured barbs alcohol maybe hazardous to your health,

New Shoes.

You heard of the 'drugs tsar' and the 'fat tsar'...well this is the new 'waiting room tsar!'

School of Comparative Anatomy

"It's not just his rapier wit that intimidates."

'He'll want you to try the Winelich maneuver first, instead of the Heimlich -- it brings up the food, but leaves the wine.'

"Heh heh heh!"

The man of the hour is the guy whose wife asked him to wait a minute.

With the brain being next to the ears, Ernie's started dwearing plugs --- He's heard "intelligence leaks" have been a big problem recently.

Give a weed an inch and it'll take a yard.

Golden handshake old redundancy port.

'What the heck did I do wrong?'

People who love the supine position tend to lie down on the job.

"When did we go from being edgy to being cranky?"

I've started so I'll finish...

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'