Collector Of Witticisms Pillows

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

Penny Pinching

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"Oh, this old thing?"

The Snarky District

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"He painted 300 pictures in his lifetime. 1000 of which are in England."

Sharp Eyes

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'Did you bring any money? - Enlightenment doesn't grow on trees, you know!'

Witty T-Shirt Guy

Frock Coat

"What does 'inexplicable' mean..?"

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

Trending wise.

'Yes, we made something better than sliced bread and built a better mousetrap, but maybe R&D needs new blood.'

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

"Remember, I've got the Dog Catcher on speed dial."

Liquor is legal, not compulsory.

"It's not just his rapier wit that intimidates."

'I didn't take you literally when you said you were helping the little people.'

"You're right. It does look better around your neck."

'Take the advice of an old sea dog, Lad. Never provoke a fight with the phrase, 'You want a piece of me?''

The man of the hour is the guy whose wife asked him to wait a minute.

"That one I could never sell. It's stolen."

'Cake philosophy'

People who love the supine position tend to lie down on the job.

'Nice try, but I've heard the 'static cling' shoplifting defense before.'

Technological Advances and the Experience of Age.

Give a weed an inch and it'll take a yard.

W M. Beemers Adages