Collector Of Witticisms Pillows

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

Penny Pinching

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"Oh, this old thing?"

The Snarky District

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Sharp Eyes

"He painted 300 pictures in his lifetime. 1000 of which are in England."

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'Did you bring any money? - Enlightenment doesn't grow on trees, you know!'

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

"What does 'inexplicable' mean..?"

Frock Coat

Witty T-Shirt Guy

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

"Remember, I've got the Dog Catcher on speed dial."

Trending wise.

'Yes, we made something better than sliced bread and built a better mousetrap, but maybe R&D needs new blood.'

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

"You're right. It does look better around your neck."

'I didn't take you literally when you said you were helping the little people.'

"It's not just his rapier wit that intimidates."

Liquor is legal, not compulsory.

'Take the advice of an old sea dog, Lad. Never provoke a fight with the phrase, 'You want a piece of me?''

'Cake philosophy'

The man of the hour is the guy whose wife asked him to wait a minute.

People who love the supine position tend to lie down on the job.

"That one I could never sell. It's stolen."

Technological Advances and the Experience of Age.

Give a weed an inch and it'll take a yard.

'Nice try, but I've heard the 'static cling' shoplifting defense before.'

W M. Beemers Adages

Life begins at forty? - That's when my arthritis kicked in.