Witticism Fan Gifts

It's smart never to forget your amnesia.

Liquor is legal, not compulsory.

Pressing Problem

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

Generic Store: Sign in Window

Loopholes

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'Time and tide wait for no woman..'

Sharp Eyes

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Counsel's Opinion.

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

"What does 'inexplicable' mean..?"

Witty T-Shirt Guy

Frock Coat

"I would have thought you'd be pleased."

Neither Here nor There

Strike A Balance

Back Down

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

'Yes, we made something better than sliced bread and built a better mousetrap, but maybe R&D needs new blood.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

Cosmetics keep men from reading between the lines.

"It's not just his rapier wit that intimidates."

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making Ewe talk.'

Sheet Music

'Ok, well I can give you a full teeth examination, but I suspect that they're all rotten.'

"If your facial expression would normally convey sarcasm, blink twice."

The man of the hour is the guy whose wife asked him to wait a minute.

Fair and Square

A young man replying cheekily to an older gentleman

People who love the supine position tend to lie down on the job.

Give a weed an inch and it'll take a yard.

'Steward, this fellow hasn't spoken for a week. Be a good chap and feel his pulse will you?'