Witch Doctor Humorist Gifts

"Oh I dabbled in hedge funds, sub prime mortgages, derivatives, but it was all just TOO WEIRD!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Vlad the Inhaler

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

Newt sale

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Cat Scan

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

"I'm afraid you need knee surgery."

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."