Witch Doctor Humorist Pillows

"Oh I dabbled in hedge funds, sub prime mortgages, derivatives, but it was all just TOO WEIRD!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

Vlad the Inhaler

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

Newt sale

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"Eye of pie...a**e of rat...p**s of newt."

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Cat Scan

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

World Cup Fever

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

What do you say we team up to star in a sequel to "The Elephant Man" called "The Wolverine Boy"? !

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."