Winter Survivalists Gifts

'It's the worst possible diagnosis a bear can receive -- sleep apnea.'

Going South

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"Yes, I'm sure of my 3 wishes - I wish I had a pen, I wish I had paper to write a 'rescue me' note, and I wish I had a bottle to send it in"

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

"OK then, I admit it. Installing the log burner was a bad idea!"

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

"Daddy's taking him to the woodshed, again!"

'Eric! Look for his pressure point! He's got to have a pressure point somewhere!'

'Here's an interesting article. 'Cold or Seasonal Allergy?''

"Just think how much we could save if we switched the heating off altogether."

"That's the worst case of Cabin Fever that I've ever seen. Luckily, spring is right around the corner."

Running out of Gas.

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

"For years after Vietnam, I woke up screaming about the cold weather in Toronto."

"Brrr - it was so cold today I had my hands in my own pockets instead of someone elses!"

'I see a lot of that at this time of year...you've got a nasty case of cabin fever!'

"Help me! I'm trapped. In a dead end job."

"It's a deal. Help me find the acorns I buried and I'll help you find your bones."

St Bernard Toilet Holder

"Now do you believe me?"

"Recalculating... Recalculating... Recalculating... Recalculating..."

'Stop! Wait 'til he finishes cleaning my teeth!'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

"You'll thank me when you see the heating bill."

"Hey, it's March, so it's safe to put the snow shovel away, right? Right?"

'Are you sure this is just a mirage we're crawling through?'

'Did you let go of the wrong piece again?'

How You Know It's Spring...

The corner that Spring's around