Winter Survivalist Gifts

'Dear God, if there's a patron saint for car batteries...

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

'Guess who made it through the winter?'

'I see a lot of that at this time of year...you've got a nasty case of cabin fever!'

"That's the worst case of Cabin Fever that I've ever seen. Luckily, spring is right around the corner."

"OK then, I admit it. Installing the log burner was a bad idea!"

"Hey, it's March, so it's safe to put the snow shovel away, right? Right?"

'But then the warm weather comes along, and you regret being so damn woolly.'

The snow shovel is Joe's winter dance partner...

Facing a Cold Winter

"Noce electric blanket. . . Now ya' just need a lead 3,486 kilometres long. . ."

"It's a deal. Help me find the acorns I buried and I'll help you find your bones."

'George has decided to wear his electric blanket all the time.'

St Bernard Toilet Holder

Know your Emergency Vehicles. . . Ambulance, Fire Truck and Emergency Parkas.

How You Know It's Spring...

Winter and all its blessings!

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

'Yeah sure it's cooking us from the inside out, but think of all the money we'll save on heating.'

Health food - salt substitute

"Your tires are spinning and you're stuck."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

'Eric! Look for his pressure point! He's got to have a pressure point somewhere!'

"Daddy's taking him to the woodshed, again!"

'Dave will only turn the heating on when he thinks it's absolutely necessary.'

'Here's an interesting article. 'Cold or Seasonal Allergy?''

'It's the worst possible diagnosis a bear can receive -- sleep apnea.'

"Just think how much we could save if we switched the heating off altogether."

Running out of Gas.

"For years after Vietnam, I woke up screaming about the cold weather in Toronto."

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

"Brrr - it was so cold today I had my hands in my own pockets instead of someone elses!"

"Help me! I'm trapped. In a dead end job."