Winning Wit Pillows

Walter from Gamblers Anonymous

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Doggone

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

Miss America IQ Pageant

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Paper Boy

'He never listened to his mother!'

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

'Are they fresh?'

'Always the wise guy.'

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"You make a great point."

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."