Award-winning Wit Pillows

'...and finally I'd just like to thank my plastic surgeon for giving me these puppies.'

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

The Thinker. The Listener

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

"You have a lot of unresolved anger and it's settled in your hat."

Do you believe in money at first sight?

Is this your father, little guy? No, lady, my father is a libel attorney, and you'll be hearing from him.

People want as much government as they deserve.

G.K. Chesterton.

Greece Idyll

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

"What keeps me going? The tightening feeling in my chest that if I stop, I'll die."

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

'Why do they have to be ivory knitting needles?'

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

Salmon swimming up-stream, "Don't you get tired of overcoming obstacles"

Penny for your lack of thoughts.

'I'm just going online...'

GPs press for sick note reform

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

Warning Wisecracks or good-natured barbs alcohol maybe hazardous to your health,

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

'I think I've solved my drinking problem.'

"You're definitely going to need an extraction."