Managerial Wit Pillows

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

I'm a self-made man!

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

How are you at decision making?

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"Damn it,Frank,if I can't bully my staff, who can I bully?"

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

'I'm working with a bunch of cavemen.'

'Please Henderson - Not another one of your bright ideas!'

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Above reproach.

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'Your bonus as promised.'

Job complaints on road signs.

If your ideas are 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration...

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'