Corporate Wit Pillows

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'But look on the bright side. We did not create even one single hazardous waste!'

'Sorry, Simms, but ever since we downsized, I don't have any people to get in touch with your people.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

I'm a self-made man!

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

How are you at decision making?

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

'I see everyone got the memo.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'