Corporate Wit Pillows

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'But look on the bright side. We did not create even one single hazardous waste!'

'Sorry, Simms, but ever since we downsized, I don't have any people to get in touch with your people.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

I'm a self-made man!

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

How are you at decision making?

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'I see everyone got the memo.'

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'