Corporate Humor Pillows

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

'Middle managers play tennis.'

-"I finished the project on time and on budget!" -"Right, next project you get less time and less money!"

They laid off half the staff and installed a mirror, hoping no one would notice.

'I called this emergency meeting to discuss the lack of respect I've been getting around here lately.'

'I assumed when we merged that we'd have our own desk.'

'I'm really sorry, but production costs are far lower in Korea!'

Sinking sales

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The bottom line: do we wait for the government to approve it as an antibiotic, or do we go ahead right now and sell it as a furniture polish?'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

'I'd like you to go work for our competition. It's the only way I know to bring them to their knees.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Remember, we're all in this together - except for Purvison, who will take all the blame.'

"Of course this is the simplified version."

'Take this and have a masseuse massage the numbers until they fit into out proposed profit projections.'

'I need tomorrow off to recharge my batteries.'

Business man explaining on white board - showing to executives plunging graph while sitting behind bars in jail

'As you know, some details of the new merger have yet to be resolved.'

'You think Simmons is on drugs?'

"Legal advises finger-pointing."

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

Cubicle Slavery

'He refused to climb the ladder without a safety net.'

'We've met our goal for the year...we're still alive!'

The corporate merger of Plushy's Carpeting and Sticky's Velcro was not a success.

'They come and go. I've outlasted five of them.'

'He started at the bottom and found it to be his comfort zone'

"If you are amenable to that offer, I am prepared to respond with this facial expression."

A fat cat in a suit smoking a cigar.

"Do you, Scofield Industries, take Amalgamated Pipe?"

'Here is a composite of our target consumer.'

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

"I've simplified our work process!"

Chairman with a hammer on a stick.