Reading Corporate Humor Pillows

'The Employee Grievance Committee is here to see you.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

Office pics on dinner table.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

Office meeting

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'