Fans Of Corporate Humor Pillows

'My job is to make decisions around here, Hoskins. Your job is to make them fly!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Office pics on dinner table.

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

In and Out Sourced.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.