Corporate Humorists Pillows

"We could agree to disagree but then you'd still be wrong."

'Spoiler alert...'

'Miss Bondwell will now illustrate us how to make boring board meetings a thing of the past.'

'How would you like to be VP of Medieval Thinking?'

Casual Mask Fridays

"I need you to finish this over the weekend."

"Santa's workshopping"

Actually, I'm not Mr. Weintraub. I'm just, sort of, taking over for awhile."

'We've actually made great strides and leaps forward since we let Beegley run things from the slammer.'

'The company is losing millions and the press are asking questions. Gentlemen,we're looking for a scapegoat.'

'You are devious and deceitful.' - 'Thanks very much.'

'Oh well, instant fortune was declared illegal anyway.'

"And to celebrate our 50th anniversary, Baryshnikov and company."

"If it gets tense in here I might need you to step up and BS-calate things."

Round Hole Corp

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"