Corporate Humorists Pillows

"We could agree to disagree but then you'd still be wrong."

'Spoiler alert...'

'Miss Bondwell will now illustrate us how to make boring board meetings a thing of the past.'

'How would you like to be VP of Medieval Thinking?'

Casual Mask Fridays

"I need you to finish this over the weekend."

"Santa's workshopping"

Actually, I'm not Mr. Weintraub. I'm just, sort of, taking over for awhile."

'We've actually made great strides and leaps forward since we let Beegley run things from the slammer.'

'The company is losing millions and the press are asking questions. Gentlemen,we're looking for a scapegoat.'

'You are devious and deceitful.' - 'Thanks very much.'

'Oh well, instant fortune was declared illegal anyway.'

"If it gets tense in here I might need you to step up and BS-calate things."

Round Hole Corp

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."