Wine Wisdom Gifts

'Are you sure the recipe calls for a whole cup of good burgundy?'

In the Guru District

The Vineyard

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'A cheeky red?'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Sauvignon Bonk

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Bacchus.

'... And this is my cellar.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Yoga vs. Prosecco

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

"He gets easily abstracted."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

"I make it myself!"

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

Pasta