Wind Tamer Gifts

Toupee.

'It was so windy on the motorway this morning... I was doing seventy in neutral!'

'It's so windy today that a hen could lay the same egg twice!'

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

Burnt or Raw?

"Lovely dovetail."

"You like yours well done, right?"

He has his own peculiar problems whether casting from the beach or from a boat.

'Don't you think it's time you tackled the wandering dew?'

'Bar-B-Q lit yet?'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

Getting Rid of the Cure

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

Using plant pots to reach inaccessible object

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

Athens wildfires

Menace.

"My turn."

'It must be nice having a job where you can work at home.'

'What do you mean, you were here first?'

"Just take the crowd out of it. Imagine everyone is naked."

'Ooops. I hit a hair pocket.'

'It's incredible what you can grow in a plot of ground that's only one foot square!'

'OK, Son - put the glass over it and I'll slip the paper under it - then we can carry it out to the garden.'

"It keeps people from falling asleep during meetings."

'I expected some rough, but not this rough.'

"Spray me.""Trim me.""Prune me.""Mow me.""Weed me.""Fix me.""Paint me."

"Your engine was running amok. We had to call in the authorities."