Wire Tamer Gifts

"...If you're still having difficulty with your connection...say 'yes'..."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

Burnt or Raw?

Not you. Your hair.

Busy office.

"You like yours well done, right?"

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

(No caption. Signs on file cabinets drawers read, "Files Saved to Hard Drive," "Files Saved to Disk," "Files Saved to Traveldrive," "Trash.")

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

'Bar-B-Q lit yet?'

'Don't you think it's time you tackled the wandering dew?'

Parenting Business Deals

New Swiss Army Knife

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

Dentist Training School.

"Most projects require three hands."

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

"Today, charges that Putin hacked Trump's tweets..."

"I've got a lap dog and a laptop cat."

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

"I replaced my G.P.S with auto correct, and every time I try to go right, it makes me go write...."

"You goo-goo, you gaa-gaa. But when push comes to shove, you whaa-whaa."

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

"Does it have a chapter on using the phone to call someone who can do it right?"

"You'll be on the road most days, but when you do come in, this will be your docking station."

Dave had yet to master his new nail machine gun.

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

Next Year's Postal Service Marketing Campaign.