Cable Tamers Gifts

'I think we found the cause of your modem lag.'

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Busy office.

Toys in the DVD Player.

(No caption. Signs on file cabinets drawers read, "Files Saved to Hard Drive," "Files Saved to Disk," "Files Saved to Traveldrive," "Trash.")

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

'Storm'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

Babies

I think these suits have feet in them so we won't leave prints

'Time manager'

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

'The only thing I grow in my garden is tired!'

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

When a nanosecond is forever.

'Next time you lose the school's keys, please call a locksmith instead of using a blow torch on the door.'

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

Menace.

"He used to fetch my paper, but now that I read online he's my IT support."

Man in office smiling in delight as various office equipment dances for him

Quick Response Forces at East 89th Street

The First Supper

Crying parent holds crying baby.

"Edgar, you've been retired for three years now. Why don't you loosen your tie?"