Cable Tamers Pillows

'I think we found the cause of your modem lag.'

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Busy office.

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Toys in the DVD Player.

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

I think these suits have feet in them so we won't leave prints

'Storm'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

Babies

'Time manager'

'Next time you lose the school's keys, please call a locksmith instead of using a blow torch on the door.'

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

'The only thing I grow in my garden is tired!'

When a nanosecond is forever.

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

Man in office smiling in delight as various office equipment dances for him

Quick Response Forces at East 89th Street

"He used to fetch my paper, but now that I read online he's my IT support."

The First Supper

Menace.

Crying parent holds crying baby.

"Edgar, you've been retired for three years now. Why don't you loosen your tie?"

'Mary finally solved the blinking clock problem by putting black tape over it.'