Telephone Tamers Pillows

"I hope you don't think that music while I waited soothed me."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Busy office.

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

Driver sees road sign: 'Right Lane Doomed'

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

Billgeville's new pedestrian monkey bars not only reduced accidents but also whipped people into great shape.

'I'm going to have to transfer you to someone I don't like.'

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

I think these suits have feet in them so we won't leave prints

Babies

"You're young enough to play tag, but not old enough to borrow my phone to play phone tag."

'Waiter, there's a cell phone in my soup.'

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"Hold music will return after we pause for a commerial"

I can't believe what I see phobia. 'This is your new flying traffic reporter. I think I'm dreaming.'

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

'Time manager'

'Getting my children to get out of bed and go to school was hard - So I bought a cattle-prod...'

"The secret of time management? Never take anyone off hold."

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

'Jenny can't come to the phone, she's naked. Only joking, mate. Wrong number.'

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

See Manhattan . . . By Car!

Companies are looking for alternative transportation

Prank Cattle Calls. (mmph)

'It's for you.'

The First Supper

"Operator, I'd like to make a person-to-person call, and I'd like to reverse the roles."