Will And Testament Aficionado Gifts

William Shakespeare makes the first living will

'He's been frozen, and left everything to himself.'

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

John Bunyan

Punt Cake

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Yes, all at once!'

"Nuts to you, too."

AA Meeting Here Today

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

The americanisation of vulture.

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"Privates Beach"

Czarcasm

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Didn't you just say that?"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"You have word-ill."

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

Punkins

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'