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William Shakespeare makes the first living will

'He's been frozen, and left everything to himself.'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Moses separating his Laundry.

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Punt Cake

John Bunyan

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

'Yes, all at once!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Nuts to you, too."

Czarcasm

AA Meeting Here Today

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

The americanisation of vulture.

"Privates Beach"

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Didn't you just say that?"

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"You have word-ill."

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

'Alphabet soup? What's alphabet?'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'