Wildlife Wordsmith Gifts

The Nature Writer Writer.

I Deserve Royalties For Use Of The Term 'Bear Market' For Years.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

Best Seller

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

Mother Goose's Haiku

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

A Poet

Shakespeare Ave

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

'He never listened to his mother!'

'Fancy a swift half?'

Sharp Eyes

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

You trip on it, you buy it.

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

Bell Hop

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."