Wandering Wordsmith Gifts

Judge: 'Because of your Drive-by shooting,and shameless Looting; I'm not giving you Bail,you're going to Jail; You did the Crime,now you can do the Time!' Poetic Justice A rhyming Judge

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

Best Seller

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

Mother Goose's Haiku

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

Accountant Manqué

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

Shakespeare Ave

'He never listened to his mother!'

A Poet

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Bell Hop

Male On Sunday

Irvine Welsh