Wheat-free Living Gifts

'No bread crumbs for me, thanks. I have allergies to wheat.'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

The Nihilist Deli.

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

The Last Dinner

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

Gluten-Free Church

Go Veggie...

"How could they possibly know it's gluten-free, low gi. . . ?"

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

"My lab tests are in. I'm lactose intolerant."

"Run! It's Armagluten!"

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

What to serve to meet most dietary restrictions

'Help! I'm a coeliac get me out of here!'

"I'm only eating vegans now and honestly, I feel so much healthier."

"It's glutton-free."

New Milks

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave - all of our other customers are lactose intolerant."

"I warned him not to go vegan."

"Oh, sure, I eat gluten ... but only in certain restaurants."

'I stand here before you with a heavy heart. There is a growing wheat intolerance in our land, and that makes my stomach turn...But get this! They say that's what we're doing to them!'

"I'm all out of flour, but surplus cocaine produces an exceptionally flavoursome banana bread with a moist, light crumb. The recipe's up on my blog!"

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

'Some of the women are asking if the manna is gluten-free.'

Gluten free parking

"Another nice thing about a martini - it's gluten free."

"Not unless they're gluten-free bread crumbs."