Wheat Eschewer Gifts

'Help! I'm a coeliac get me out of here!'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'Now, now...no stealing people's data until you finish your brussels sprouts.'

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'When I'm rich, I'm going to hire a food taster to check for vegetables.'

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

'It's not that I'm stupid. I'm lactose intolerant and on a diet.'

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

"It's an ugly nose, but at least it gets rid of some broccoli."

'How can it be whole if the wheat has been ground into a powder?'

How to deal with weeds

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

Eat your vegetables

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

"I spilled the beans last night so I wouldn't have to eat them."

"Anywhere that doesn't have tvs, computers, radios, ipods,cell phones or video games."

"We have a lot in common. We both hate homework, vegetables, bedtime, chores, long car trips. . ."

"Mom, bear and I discussed it, and we decided that neither of us wants broccoli anymore, okay?"

"Am I still hungry or am I just eating this because it's still there?"

'Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"You always said I could be what ever I want to be. I want to be someone who doesn't eat vegetables."

'I'm tired of cleaning the erasers, Mrs. Myers -- can I debug the educational software instead?'

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

'I don't like vegetables, so when I grow up, can I be a couch donut?'

'I stand here before you with a heavy heart. There is a growing wheat intolerance in our land, and that makes my stomach turn...But get this! They say that's what we're doing to them!'

"I told you not to mention the broccoli quiche."

"No thanks, mom, I'm giving up broccoli for lent. Also lima beans, spinach and cauliflower!"

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'