Cheese Avoider Gifts

Changing your diet could save your life.

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

'It's not that I'm stupid. I'm lactose intolerant and on a diet.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'Now, now...no stealing people's data until you finish your brussels sprouts.'

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

'When I'm rich, I'm going to hire a food taster to check for vegetables.'

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

"It's an ugly nose, but at least it gets rid of some broccoli."

The Sedentary Dead.

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

"Okay, we've put on our exercise clothes. Now what?"

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'Skip the menu Ramon,i'll just have what he's having,thanks.' / 'Very well sir.'

'His electric toothbrush has gone wrong - mind you, he could use the extra exercise.'

'I don't need to exercise to lose weight. The odor in this locker room suppressed all my appetite.'

Milk...Milk...Anything but MILK!!

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My husband hates to exercise since it makes him sweat. How do I tell him to shape up? Thanks, SV. *Actual reader question. Haven't you read the scientific research, lady? Exercise is one of the worst things you can do for you body. It leads to pain, sweating, muscle ache, weight loss. On the other hand, research also shows the great health value of yelling at your husband and telling him he's a lazy wretch! The science is divided on the question. One of the great joys of b

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

Walkies.

Eat your vegetables

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'