Cheesecake Avoider Gifts

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"It's true: no more burpees."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

The Little Engine that really shouldn't, she already had one of Evelyn's cheesecake brownies, she couldn't possibly, O.K. maybe just one.

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'Now, now...no stealing people's data until you finish your brussels sprouts.'

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"

"I modeled this one after me. He hates vegetables, too..."

A balanced diet is a Cherry Cheesecake in each hand.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'When I'm rich, I'm going to hire a food taster to check for vegetables.'

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

'It's not that I'm stupid. I'm lactose intolerant and on a diet.'

The Sedentary Dead.

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

"It's an ugly nose, but at least it gets rid of some broccoli."

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

"I'll have the cheesecake, hold the cake."

'His electric toothbrush has gone wrong - mind you, he could use the extra exercise.'

"Okay, we've put on our exercise clothes. Now what?"

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

Eat your vegetables