Cheese Avoider Pillows

Changing your diet could save your life.

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

'It's not that I'm stupid. I'm lactose intolerant and on a diet.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'Now, now...no stealing people's data until you finish your brussels sprouts.'

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

'When I'm rich, I'm going to hire a food taster to check for vegetables.'

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

The Sedentary Dead.

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

"It's an ugly nose, but at least it gets rid of some broccoli."

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'His electric toothbrush has gone wrong - mind you, he could use the extra exercise.'

'Skip the menu Ramon,i'll just have what he's having,thanks.' / 'Very well sir.'

'I don't need to exercise to lose weight. The odor in this locker room suppressed all my appetite.'

Milk...Milk...Anything but MILK!!

Eat your vegetables

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

'Boy, I feel sorry for those poor chumps who have to run to catch the train every day!'

"Sure doc, I can eat healthy tasteless food and exercise until my lungs implode. Or, you can just inject some drain cleaner into my eyeball and save us both a lot of time and trouble."

"No, Fred didn't run a TV marathon - He watched a marathon on TV."