Culinary Avoider Pillows

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

Garlic Free Zone.

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

'Now, now...no stealing people's data until you finish your brussels sprouts.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'When I'm rich, I'm going to hire a food taster to check for vegetables.'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

"It's an ugly nose, but at least it gets rid of some broccoli."

'It's not that I'm stupid. I'm lactose intolerant and on a diet.'

'Skip the menu Ramon,i'll just have what he's having,thanks.' / 'Very well sir.'

Eat your vegetables

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

"This is crazy! Why can't they give us one e-reader with all our school textbooks already on it? That way...I can ignore just one book instead of this whole stack!"

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"Mom, bear and I discussed it, and we decided that neither of us wants broccoli anymore, okay?"

'Help! I'm a coeliac get me out of here!'

'Sounds way too complicated, let's phone for a take away.'

'No dinner for me mum. I don't want to spoil my appetite for in between meal, snacks.'

'I quit!'

'I don't like vegetables, so when I grow up, can I be a couch donut?'

"I told you not to mention the broccoli quiche."

"No thanks, mom, I'm giving up broccoli for lent. Also lima beans, spinach and cauliflower!"

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'

Changing your diet could save your life.

"I'm not in a breakfast-fixing mood just now."

"Not now—I'm cooking to avoid intimacy."

Wheel of Dinner

"I hate vegetables."

"With my tech skills, I just feel my talents would be wasted on mundane tasks like taking out the trash, cutting the grass and cleaning my room."

"Would you read this self-help book to me?"