Wheat-be-well Gifts

"It's nothing to be concerned about...a lot of people have issues with wheat products!"

Lactose Intolerant

Turn, turn and turn.

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

Low-Energy Drinks

"Gesundheit!"

'Since laughter is the best medicine, I have a joke, Hee, Hee, Haw,Ha!...that could simply wipe out your Infectious Mononucleosis!'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

The art of yoga is the power of the mind.

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"I’ve lost the will to slide down icy hills on my tummy."

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

"I don't understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn't on his to do list!"

Regardless children just want to fit in.

"What if anxiety is hereditary?"

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

"Am I a happy man or just an asymptomatic one?"

When you get worried, and you can't sleep, count your blessings instead of sheep...

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

Late-Onset Epiphany

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

"He's gonna be bad for business."