Wheat-be-well T-Shirts

"It's nothing to be concerned about...a lot of people have issues with wheat products!"

Lactose Intolerant

Turn, turn and turn.

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

Low-Energy Drinks

'Since laughter is the best medicine, I have a joke, Hee, Hee, Haw,Ha!...that could simply wipe out your Infectious Mononucleosis!'

"Gesundheit!"

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

The art of yoga is the power of the mind.

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

The Dangers of Not Getting Enough Sleep...

"I’ve lost the will to slide down icy hills on my tummy."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"Maybe I needed a brain also! I left my heart in San Francisco!"

"I don't understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn't on his to do list!"

Regardless children just want to fit in.

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"Am I a happy man or just an asymptomatic one?"

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

"What if anxiety is hereditary?"

When you get worried, and you can't sleep, count your blessings instead of sheep...

'You've become run down from working too much. Try sneezing on your boss.'

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

Late-Onset Epiphany

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

'I'm sorry, but the position of Contentment Provider has been filled.'

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."