Western Wistful Gifts

'I don't know why they call it the "Wild West"! It's more like the "Boring West" for us right?'

"Go away, he's not done playing Cowboys and Indians yet."

'I was just playing rodeo and breaking horses.'

"It's not a good sign when cowboys start waving back to the cacti!"

"Dangnabit, Wilson! Where's that big campfire I asked for?"

"I dunno ... I get the feeling this is going to end very badly."

The Not So Wild West

'I was fixin' to fill you full o' lead, Clanton, but it looks like that there stalactite done the job for me!'

Sea Horse outside saloon

"Say, you were right, Sheriff, this is the best way to keep up with the 'Space-Hopper Gang'."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

Cowboy:'DRAW!' - Two Cowboys about to fight it out using their Pencils and Paper pads.

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

No one ever discovered Mad Jake's secret: he was taking a correspondence course in interior decoration.

'I hate reruns.'

"No one rides off into me anymore."

'I don't feel at home on the range.'

"Is it just me or are wagon wheels smaller than they used to be?"

Cowboy on horse sees diretion sign for 'thataway'.

1839: Rare photograph of wagons on the 'Organ Trail.'

'Suzy, I hate to break the news to you like this, but there's a good reason why your new boyfriend doesn't fit in amongst the townsfolk too well...Yes Suzy. He's a Notorious Outlier.'

"Don't try to understand them, just ride and rope and brand them."

'I don't feel at home on the range any more!'

"What ever became of the days, Béla, when we all used to dance with wild abandon by the firelight."

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

"Careful how ya handle 'em Joe! They like to follow one another but they kin also turn nasty mighty quick!"

Children must be accompanied by an adult.

Cowboy Acupuncture

'I could have sworn you asked if I wanted to go to the saloon.'

A cowboy on a computer receiving his 'gee gee mail'

"No one knows his identity. He just turns up, cuts your grass, then departs without leaving his name. They call him the Lawn Ranger."

'Just had to text and ride, didn't you?'

Two clowns shoot out a duel in a Western - One has a gun that says 'Bang!', the other has a gun that says 'Ouch!'

"This gown just ain't big enough for the both of us."

'Whoa, whoa, buddy, we don't serve no pickled eggs here.'