West Side Story Fan Gifts

"I've done this show six hundred thirty-seven times. Tonight in Act Two I'm going to sing 'The Jet Song' from 'West Side Story'."

"Meet the author"

'Yes, all at once!'

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

The Cowboy Way; Doing the Right Thing

"They haven't mated yet, but I think we're getting close."

"Skate or die."

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

"Dangnabit, Wilson! Where's that big campfire I asked for?"

Mom dwarves.

'Does my bum look big in this?'

"I told you, I can’t scratch your belly right now."

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

'Wow! Look everyone, Tarquin's lassooed a snake!'

Sea Horse outside saloon

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

"Help! It's a sprawling epic!"

"Sorry, Zak, since paintball aint bin invented yet, looks like you bin shot!"

An argument between a passenger and a train porter.

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

"There goes 'ol Slim ridin' off into the sunset."

No caption. (A cowboy heads toward the swinging doors of a saloon as a cat goes toward a smaller version of the same entrance).

The corona ranger

Updated Fairy Tales Cinderella. My lawyers won't let me do glass slippers anymore --- Too many liability issues.

'You're going to have to stay confined to the bunkhouse for a week.'

"I'm thinking of changing my name."

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

Gunswinger

Reality Wagon Train

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

Jake played with a dead man's hand