West Side Story Fan T-Shirts

"I've done this show six hundred thirty-seven times. Tonight in Act Two I'm going to sing 'The Jet Song' from 'West Side Story'."

"Meet the author"

'Yes, all at once!'

101 uses of a dead cat: disguise.

The Cowboy Way; Doing the Right Thing

"They haven't mated yet, but I think we're getting close."

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

"Skate or die."

"Dangnabit, Wilson! Where's that big campfire I asked for?"

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

"What the heck? How are we supposed to roam the plains if men put these things everywhere?"

'Does my bum look big in this?'

'Wow! Look everyone, Tarquin's lassooed a snake!'

Sea Horse outside saloon

"I told you, I can’t scratch your belly right now."

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

'Now, you can SWASH, and you can BUCKLE, but you can't SWASHBUCKLE.'

"Help! It's a sprawling epic!"

"Sorry, Zak, since paintball aint bin invented yet, looks like you bin shot!"

An argument between a passenger and a train porter.

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

Gunswinger

'You're going to have to stay confined to the bunkhouse for a week.'

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

Reality Wagon Train

The corona ranger

"I'm thinking of changing my name."

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

"Nope, Jeb's my pardner. My partner is Zeke."