Weird Humor Fan Gifts

Fart, barf, cough.

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Faster, Georges, faster!

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

10 K Tail-Chase

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Introducing...Anagraman.

Apple Pie Abduction

Pastry Hat

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Trump Poutine

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."