Bizarre Humor Fan Gifts

Win at wrestling.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Faster, Georges, faster!

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Pastry Hat

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Trump Poutine

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Introducing...Anagraman.

Apple Pie Abduction

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'Check out the old dude.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

Winter Weather.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'