Peculiar Humor Fan Gifts

"Guys, guys! He's pointing at me! This is great, I've never been picked first before!"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Apple Pie Abduction

Trump Poutine

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Pastry Hat

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'Check out the old dude.'

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

The Pencil and Sharpener

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"