Bizarre Humor Fan Pillows

Win at wrestling.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Faster, Georges, faster!

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Apple Pie Abduction

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Pastry Hat

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Introducing...Anagraman.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

'Check out the old dude.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

Winter Weather.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"