Bizarre Humor Aficionado Pillows

101 uses of a dead cat: kite.

"Darling, you would tell me if you were part of a deep state satanic cabal, wouldn't you?"

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Apple Pie Abduction

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Pastry Hat

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Trappist Monk Discord

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

'What does it say, Dad?'

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

"Who's next?"

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

Boomerang cow.

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

One way only.

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'