Weight Loss Surgery Gifts

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

Gastrique Bypass

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

On the back of the t-shirt...

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

To do before Saturday...

Secretive Weigh In.

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Do you think I'm sixty?

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

Zoo. Diet Clinic. Hey everybody --- There's no longer an 800-pound gorilla in the room!

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

Gym. You lost a pound this week? It's only because I always leave here too tired to go looking for it!

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'