Weight Loss Gifts

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

Gym Resolutions

Group of people lift elephant on seesaw

One week after new year. The rest of the year.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'It's called hipposuction.'

'I'm not sure how to break this to you all... the Atkins diet is back.'

'Oh, for heaven sake, Emily. . . stop cheating and just go on a diet like everyone else!!!'

'I can't figure out why I'm not losing weight. All I eat is salad.'

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

'Come on you fat sweaty useless ugly slob!!...Get those flabby white legs moving!!'

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

Every year it's the same thing. I resolve to lose a ton and you say you're going to control your anger.

'I want you to lose 50 pounds, and then tell me how you did it.'

'That old 'diet and exercise scam' again!'

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

Woman and sport trainer

"When I suggested you exercise to slim down I meant all of you!"

'Lies! Nothing but lies!'

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'It's the most effective appetite suppressant available,'

Woman to skeleton - 'I told you not to go on a No Carb, No Fat, No Meat diet all at once..'

'I can't figure it out. I swim all day and I can't lose weight.'

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

'I diet all year, and - BOOM - one haemophiliac and it's back to square one!'

New weight loss pills.

"Whoope! I've lost a pound!"

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

Diet Food...& lots of it

'The exercise hasn't been a total failure. My personal trainer lost 10 pounds.'

"How's the diet going?"