Weight Change Gifts

'Oh no! You're obviously smaller than me, Joy!' 'You're not fat, 'cause those pants were tight on me too Verl.'

"Carl's sixpack's turned into a keg."

"I have to send this back. Unfortunately, there were eight kilos between order and delivery."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

On the back of the t-shirt...

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

To do before Saturday...

Secretive Weigh In.

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Zoo. Diet Clinic. Hey everybody --- There's no longer an 800-pound gorilla in the room!

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'