Weight Change Gifts

'Oh no! You're obviously smaller than me, Joy!' 'You're not fat, 'cause those pants were tight on me too Verl.'

"Carl's sixpack's turned into a keg."

"I have to send this back. Unfortunately, there were eight kilos between order and delivery."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

On the back of the t-shirt...

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Secretive Weigh In.

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

To do before Saturday...

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."