Weight Loss Transformation Gifts

'Gosh, Frank, you're just a shadow of you former self.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

On the back of the t-shirt...

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

To do before Saturday...

"It's not face paint. I'm transitioning into a snow leopard."

Secretive Weigh In.

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Pharaoh Cocoon

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

Congratulations on the new you!

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"You've changed."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Zoo. Diet Clinic. Hey everybody --- There's no longer an 800-pound gorilla in the room!

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."