Body Changes Gifts

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

'I'd say the nerve pain you're having in your jaw is due to an arrow through it, but perhaps you'd like to get a 2nd opinion from a dentist.'

'Oh no! You're obviously smaller than me, Joy!' 'You're not fat, 'cause those pants were tight on me too Verl.'

A tailor measuring a large man

"Just accept it, Frank. You're a bald eagle."

The Coffee Tattoo

"So does this Flamingo diet have any side effects?"

Angel with a halo nose piercing.

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

'I seem to have lost the body I had before I had children.'

Two men, one with his abdomen outside his trousers, the other with it inside. 'The Tummy Tuck.'

'It wouldn't be so bad if they were pert and perky.'

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

"I need to get back in the gym."

"You're tattooed all over although you're not a football pro?! Man, that's cultural appropriation!"

"Carl's sixpack's turned into a keg."

Frankenstein's Monster gets a tattoo

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, Axel. Is that the good news or the bad news?

'Her and her silicone implants!'

"Wait, it's Thursday? I thought it was Tuesday! The first day of the rest of my life was supposed to be Wednesday!!"

"There's a tattoo here that wants to have its person removed."

"Mr. Van Gogh's mother let him cut off his whole ear, and you won't even let me get mine pierced."

"Yeah, they're beautiful - but I really could have used that time to work on myself."

The First Modular Phone Implant Garners Envious Looks Along Fifth Avenue.

'Sorry I'm late - my wife's tongue stud got snagged on my nipple ring.'

Caterpillar to butterfly: 'I didn't recognize you after your extreme makeover.'

The perils of boob jobs.

"I have to send this back. Unfortunately, there were eight kilos between order and delivery."

"You think you're so cool with your stretched ears, but I can see through you."

'Do you remove tattoos...?'

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

'I don't care if all your friends are doing it. Your piercings are really starting to freak out your mom and me.'

Discreet executive piecing and tattoos