Body Modifications Gifts

The First Modular Phone Implant Garners Envious Looks Along Fifth Avenue.

'I'll show you my etchings if you show me your piercings.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

Bodybuilder pumping himself up.

"How long have you lived in this gym?"

"Kids these days and their piercings..."

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

'I'd say the nerve pain you're having in your jaw is due to an arrow through it, but perhaps you'd like to get a 2nd opinion from a dentist.'

A tailor measuring a large man

The Coffee Tattoo

"So does this Flamingo diet have any side effects?"

'Yeh it's just that I haven't been able to swim on my front,since my boob job.'

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

'I'm going to soak for three days, then Andre here is going to sculpt me into an entirely new body shape with the pumice stone.'

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

Angel with a halo nose piercing.

'I seem to have lost the body I had before I had children.'

Two men, one with his abdomen outside his trousers, the other with it inside. 'The Tummy Tuck.'

"I need to get back in the gym."

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

"You're tattooed all over although you're not a football pro?! Man, that's cultural appropriation!"

'It's true, we make loans on art, but your tattoos don't count.'

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'

Frankenstein's Monster gets a tattoo

'Forget the pills - here, take two of these.'

"There's a tattoo here that wants to have its person removed."

"Mr. Van Gogh's mother let him cut off his whole ear, and you won't even let me get mine pierced."

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

'Her and her silicone implants!'

'Sorry I'm late - my wife's tongue stud got snagged on my nipple ring.'

Door-to-Door Liposuction.