Body Conscious Gifts

Two men, one with his abdomen outside his trousers, the other with it inside. 'The Tummy Tuck.'

Secretive Weigh In.

wattle covers

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

Wash your hands

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

Running

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"Does this dress make my butt look big?"

Dispatched

"You're really serious about that diet!"

Increase Your Height.

'I. Am. So. Embarrassed! How long have I been sitting across from him with that stuck in my teeth?'

"In my experience, cars with hyphens in their names are the best."

'If you want them balanced, it'll be an extra 250 dollars.'

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'With all these new surveillance cameras around town, I'm not going anywhere without full-make-up.'

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'I'd say it's pre-liposuction.'

'Well, of course you're having an identity crisis - your T-shirt has no logo.'

'Be patriotic. Food prices are rising. Eat less.'

"We're seeing a lot of Selfie Face Syndrome lately."

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."