Health Consciousness Gifts

'It's wheat-free, dairy-free, fat-free, nut-free, sugar-free and salt-free...enjoy!

Health Shops

"I've got my diet and exercise sorted out...I've developed a craving of anabolic steroids."

"Another devastating side effect of the global obesity epidemic!"

COVID Party

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

Distance to avoid contagion

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

Coronavirus Global Alert

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

"I have an exclusive license agreement with Pfizer Pharmaceutical."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"This isn't helping my migraine."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

Running

Earth and the Coronavirus

Wash your hands

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

"I don't know where you get this 4 metres from I was lead to believe social distancing was 2 metres!!"