Health Awareness Gifts

"I'd give him like a 4 for looks, but his Covid precautions are a solid 9."

"Wait – how many seasons is this?"

'I limit myself to one glass of wine a day.'

"It's a constant ringing in my ears. When I try to ignore it, they leave a message."

Virus Travel Agency. 'Doorknob OK?'

'Hello, incontinence helpline, can you hold?'

'I never played baseball, football or soccer. . . I grew up in the 'concussion era'.'

VD clinic: 'Not everything you did in Vegas stayed in Vegas.'

'Congratulations! It's an obesity time bomb'

"Any side effects from the HRT?" "WHAT?"

"To play it safe, I've stopped shaking hands and hugging."

'Sorry to drag you in Doc. But I was reading your e-mails and noticed that one of my neighbours had a rash, could it be contagious?'

Should have used a higher SPF...

Are you talking about the new normal of an hour, or is there a new, new normal right now?"

Sun may cause cancer.

"There's nothing to worry about regarding this national emergency."

'You just keep going and going?'

'The pandemic is here!!!'

'I feel on top of the world, panicky, dizzy and nauseated. I'm afraid of heights.'

"Anyhoo, it's malignant."

'As if passive smoking could possibly be harmless.'

"That one looks like hope."

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

"That's a crazy idea but it might work."

Inactivity book

"I've been smoking all my life and it's never done ME any harm..." "But you're only 25."

'Not for me thanks, mate - I'm only a passive smoker.'

'To control his blood pressure, his doctor said he needs to take his medication, watch his diet and improve his golf game.'

'You're allergic to media.'

Woman's varicose veins help with color scheme.

'It's bird flu, but luckily we've caught it early.'

Balloon Animal Vaccinations

"Argh! It's going to rain! My arthritis!"

'When you put on a new patch you're meant to take the old one off!'

'I haven't been checking my glucose levels regularly because I'm afraid of needles.'